Updated: Feb 7
Brought to you in part by: Rant Friday!
Good morning everyone! As many of you know, I’m from Jersey. If you ever been there, or lived there for any period of time, you know that Jersey has its own style, and lingo. I have been living PA for a few years now, and man I had to change up my lingo, especially when ordering food. I can walk into any pizzeria in Jersey, and say “Give me 2 plain pies!”, and the guy behind the counter knows that I want 2 large cheese pizzas. If I say that out here, I would be told that they don’t make pie here, or get pizza with no cheese on it. I have figured out how to order things to get what I want, (except for breakfast) but one of the things that I can’t get over is trying to get alcohol out here.
So going back to Jersey for a moment, the town that I grew up in, you could leave your house, walk in almost any direction, and within 10 minutes, you would hit a place where you could buy a hard drink. A bar, restaurant or a liquor store, it didn’t matter, cause you could get a drink. Out here on the other hand, its a bit different. Now don’t get me wrong, there are bars and restaurants out here. They might take a bit longer to get to, but they are here. Its the liquor stores that I have issues with. For those that don’t know there are plenty of stores around here that you can get beer from, unfortunately most of those stores don’t sell wine and spirits. What the fuck!?
Thats right, the main reason behind this is because liquor stores out here are either big chain stores, or stores that are run by the state. So basically, if you are not a chain store, or working with the state, good luck trying to sell anything stronger than beer. Even then selling beer is a hassle. Only certain stores can sell beer. There was a fight a few years ago to allow gas stations to sell beer, but they could only sell 6 packs, and the cans/bottles couldn’t surpass a certain volume size. So no “tall boys” 6 packs. Even then, its only certain gas stations.
So quick story, celebrity out in California sells his own “wine”. Been hearing about this stuff for a while now, wanted to try it, but couldn’t because the PA state liquor board wouldn’t allow it to b shipped here. Finally celebrity announced that they can ship to Pa. Cool, figured I could get a bottle to see if liked it, and if so could order more later. Was willing to pay the $20 for the bottle and the $5 for S&H. Unfortunately, the state wanted me to buy 6 bottles for my first order. Shipping would have been free, but I wasn’t willing to drop $120 on something that I wasn’t sure if I was going to like or not. So guess who didn’t buy anything, and guess who didn’t get to make a sale?
So why do we have these insane rules and laws over alcohol? Simple, our government likes to nickel and dime us, and they like to treat adults like children. Prohibition has been done away with for a very long time, yet we still have these crazy rules in place. Its not just here in PA, its almost every state! Hell Jersey has a rule saying that stores can’t sell bottles of spirits after 10pm. So many stores just said fuck it, and closed at that time, but why should they? Why is it legal to sell a bottle of Jack at 9:59pm, but it becomes illegal at 10:01 pm? The fuck?
The sad part is, we are doing this to ourselves. It is time to end this madness! I know that many of you live in states that have some insane alcohol laws as well! Its time to get the lawmakers, which by the way work for us, not the other way around, like many of them think to change these fucked up laws. With that being said, we as adults, need to get, or keep our shit together, so they way we don’t give idiots ideas to bring back or even add more dumbass laws.
I’m Captain Pain, and fuck you!