Go Play With Yourself – TUG
Updated: Feb 7, 2020
I’ve got something Nerd Kingdom can tug, alright…
Ingredients 1 cup Minecraft
1/2 cup Creativerse
1tbs. Children of the Corn
3oz. Horse Shit, congealed
Combine all ingredients into poorly running, volatile game engine.
Charge 15 dollars per plate, before the product is finished cooking.
Turn off oven and let steep for 6 years.
Good afternoon, Leaguelettes~
It is I– The Chairman!
Please, hold your applauds for the end or this will take quite some time.
Today, it is my extreme displeasure to talk about a malignant wart-y growth that has found itself a permanent home amongst my STEAM library.
I refer to, if you have not guessed already– Nerd Kingdom’s one and only title, TUG: The Unnamed Game. And honestly– why bother giving a name to what others will affectionately refer to as ‘Trash‘ anyway?
So– back in March of 2014, Nerd Kingdom released their title as an early access project on the STEAM platform. By this time, the early access shit storm hadn’t quite sank in through my ole’ blood-brain barrier; and I was quick to purchase in to what was explained to me by others as “Minecraft meets Torchlight!“.
I was rather excited at the concept– as previous to this; I had anxiously awaited the release of Torchlight 2, a title I quickly fell in love with.
So how wrong could the TUG flag bearers have been?
You begin the game as male or female of the humanoid Seedling race. Beings, with crystals embedded in their left hands, allowing them to interface with the energies of the world around them…
Or at least thats what the Wiki says…
You see– any and all game play I got to experience, revolved around digging voxel holes, and slapping together sticks, rocks and vines in hopes of surviving just a little longer…
Which turned out to be far easier than I’d anticipated– considering there were absolutely no threats to my safety.
Ah a perfect world, free of hunger, angst or fear… Too bad it’s also devoid of anything remotely entertaining…
And those Seedling people..?
SO! if you’re bored with Minecraft while also having an insatiable urge to waste your money I’d recommend purchasing this title.
Then again– I’m not even sure you can still do so; as last I heard, this project has been completely abandoned by Nerd Kingdom.
Sorry if you wasted your money like I did!
Not really…I still buy early access titles…