Updated: Feb 7, 2020
But tell us how you REALLY feel.. – The Chairman
My original plan for this rant was to tear into the bullshit behind things like DLCs and loot boxes, but after the bullshit with Electronic Arts on this subject, holy fuck! I had to change gears, and asked what in the ever loving fuck is wrong with you EA!?
For those of you that have been living under a rock for the past few months, wait, how the fuck are you reading this? Anyway EA was called in front of the U.K. Parliament over the use of loot boxes in their games. Basically EA were called out for their use of loot boxes was a form of gambling, and gambling is wrong, especially when its pushed on the children. So how did EA defend themselves from these accusations? Well, they had one of their senior executives tell parliament that loot boxes are nothing more than “surprise mechanics” and that people love surprises.
What in the fuck!? EA, you couldn’t come up with some better bullshit then that? Holy shit! You are the one of the biggest gaming companies in the world. You have access to game writers, directors, voice actors, and lawyers, and this was the best bullshit that you could come up with? We knew what you were going to say to try to cover your ass was going to be a lie, but wow, bravo to you guys for this!
You know what a real surprise mechanic would be from you guys, if you made a game that wasn’t full of your “surprise mechanics” bullshit! A game that most of it wasn’t behind a fucking pay wall! A game where you motherfuckers weren’t trying to squeeze every nickel and dime out of your fanbase, even after they already paid $60+ just to bring one of your games home, or to download it on their PC or console. Well I have a surprise mechanic for you, that I hope that many other gamers apply this mechanic as well. This mechanic is in one hand I hold the money I was going to spend on their latest piece of shit game. With my other hand I stick up my middle finger as high as it can possibly can, and I have someone take a pic of this. Then, I’ll take that pic, and send it to EA via email or on one of their social media platforms, with the caption “Money you will never get until you cut your bullshit!” Sad part is, they don’t understand why they are the bad guys, and why their feelings are hurt. Fuck them!
I’m Captain Pain, and Fuck EA!